hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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