i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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