whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
