I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
