just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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