True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
