he shaved USA in his pubs
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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