see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
