dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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