I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
