im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
