I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
