Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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