I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
