is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
