i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
