i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I am one with the molecules
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
