I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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