The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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