I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
