I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
