honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
