Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
