I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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