May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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