And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
sex in a hospital.. check
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
