So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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