Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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