I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
