Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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