Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
