i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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