So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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