I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
