sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
cat food counts as protein by the way
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
