I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
