if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
