i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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