How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
