p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Randomize
