i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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