Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
