I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
