i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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