I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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