listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I believe in your delicious
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
