Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
