All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Randomize
