I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
