i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
