Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
