very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
