My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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