I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
