Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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