that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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