Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
