Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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