If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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