don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The air was thick with penises
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
