don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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