Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
