Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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