I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize