if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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