Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
