Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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