Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The uberlube is also flammable
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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