We won't sleep together?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
cat food counts as protein by the way
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
