i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
