I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
