I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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