listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
