She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
