She went from zero to smokin in five shots
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
